Another Wasted Afternoon
by Licuma Lome
Summary: Bellatrix is making outrageous claims again as Severus rolls his eyes and remains his usual sarcastic self.
1. Chapter One

Note: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or any of the plot that comes from J. K. Rowling's books.

Severus sat down in his office trying to make the least amount of noise possible. He was hiding from Bellatrix who, as usual, was trying to force him to believe some crazy story or another.  
Well, he doubted that there _was_ a baby. This was a plea from her to force him to take her back…probably. He certainly hoped so. Quite apart from the fact that she'd be a terrible mother, convincing himself that the supposed baby truly was a product of Bella's crazy imagination made him feel less guilty. And even if it was true, he sure as hell wasn't going to waste his time taking care of the damn infant…  
"Sev?" a voice called.  
_Shit_, he thought. _She found me._  
With a sigh, he answered. "It's not mine, Bella…" In an undertone that she nonetheless heard, he added, "If it even exists…"  
"It _does_ exist," she insisted, "and if it's not yours, whose is it?"  
"Probably your fool of a husband's. Remember him?"  
"Of course I do. I love my husband." Bella flicked her shiny, dark hair out of her face as she slowly blinked her plum-colored eyelids.  
"Then why are you wasting your time sleeping with me?" Severus asked under his breath. It wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed it, but he was more of the one-night-stand type of man.  
Bellatrix Lestrange pouted, her cosmetic-smeared lips looking very appealing to Severus even when he was as frustrated with her as he was. "Well, when it's born, we'll see whose it is," she was saying.  
"You know, you'll be a worse mother than mine was, Bellatrix," Severus murmured.  
"Will not," she said defiantly.  
"Yes, yes," he muttered. "While poor little Rudolphus Jr. is crying for his mummy, you'll be off sleeping with some other married man…"  
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" She retorted.  
Severus considered it, at the same time noting with satisfaction that she had made no attempt to deny his prediction. "Hmm… I can give you a potion that will kill it before it's born," he suggested with just a hint of wickedness behind his deadly calm voice.  
Bella's eyes snapped open. She leapt off of the desk where she had been sitting and she hit him hard across the face with one long-finger nailed hand. "You jerk! I'm never letting you _near_ my baby!" she shrieked before flouncing out of the room, her stiletto heels clattering across the stone floor.  
"Ahh…" Severus sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Mission accomplished…"


	2. Chapter Two

"Professor Dumbledore?" He found himself asking.

"What is it, Severus?"

It was torture, pure torture. How could he have let himself do this? How could he have been so thoughtless? The words burst out of him. "I've got to leave Hogwarts."

Dumbledore looked surprised. It was not a common expression from him. Severus doubted that he had ever seen it so pronounced before. "Why?"

His face was burning. He could feel it. "I have… family matters to attend to." He sounded stupid and he knew it. He _was_ stupid—he knew that as well.

"But Severus, surely you have no living family anymore?"

"No… no, I didn't…"

But he didn't have to say it. The Headmaster already knew, of course, having put two and two together.

With a slight chuckle, the older man regarded the younger. "Ah… It is remarkable to see in one so accustomed to thinking ahead… But I suppose you do not find it amusing."

"No, I do not," Severus replied through clenched teeth. "It is an unnecessary distraction from my work and a bother to me. I did not choose for it to happen."

"And yet, when you were told of the problem, you didn't do anything to stop it?"

"She wouldn't _let_ me! I offered, of course! She just called me a jerk and left!"

"Well…" Dumbledore said, still looking calmly amused, "can you blame her?"

"Yes, I _can_," Snape hissed, "and I fully intend to do so, once I have finished feeling guilty myself! Now, this really is important, Headmaster, so if you don't mind…?"

"Yes, I suppose you had better go… Do try to be back in a few weeks, though? We have no competent substitute teachers for Potions."

Severus bowed stiffly and turned to leave.

"But Severus," Dumbledore called, "I have something for you before you leave…"

Snape turned as he felt the dread rising in his chest. Dumbledore held out for him two things: a t-shirt and a balloon.

He snatched them and stormed out of the room without another word, pausing only to throw the items into the trash can.

Dumbledore strolled over and looked into the bin, still laughing over the t-shirt that read "New Father" and the balloon that bounced up to the ceiling bearing the legend "It's a Girl!" in curly, garish script.


End file.
